You are a mind reader, born with an extraordinary ability to understand what others think, feel, believe, want, and know. It’s a sixth sense you use every day, in every personal and professional relationship you have. At its best, this ability allows you to achieve the most important goal in almost any life: connecting, deeply and intimately and honestly, to other human beings. At its worst, it is a source of misunderstanding and unnecessary conflict, leading to damaged relationships and broken dreams.
How good are you at knowing the minds of others? How well can you guess what others think of you, know who really likes you, or tell when others are lying? How well do you really understand the minds of those closest to you, from your spouse to your kids to your closest friends? Do you really know what your coworkers, employees, competitors, or clients want?
In this illuminating exploration of one of the great mysteries of the human mind, University of Chicago psychologist Nicholas Epley introduces what scientists have learned about our abilities to understand the most complicated puzzle on the planet—other people—and the surprising mistakes we so routinely make. Why are we sometimes blind to the minds of others, treating them like objects or animals instead? Why do we sometimes talk to our cars, or the stars, as if there is a mind that can hear us? Why do we so routinely believe that others think, feel, and want what we do when, in fact, they do not? And why we do we believe we understand our spouses, family, and friends so much better than we actually do? Mindwise will not turn others into open books, but it will give you the wisdom to revolutionize how you think about them—and yourself.
Praise for Mindwise:
“Mindwise is a brilliant and beautiful exploration of the mystery of other minds—and how we fail to solve it. Insightful and important, Mindwise is one of the best books of this or any other decade.” —Daniel Gilbert, Edgar Pierce Professor of Psychology, Harvard University, New York Times bestselling author of Stumbling on Happiness
“What is it like to be someone else? How can we get into other people’s heads? These questions have challenged the greatest thinkers in Western philosophy, and they obsess every one of us as we try to deal with our family, lovers, friends, enemies, colleagues, and allies. In Mindwise, the distinguished social psychologist Nicholas Epley offers a lively and fascinating tour of the latest science on how we figure out (and all too often fail to figure out) what everyone else is thinking.” —Steven Pinker, Johnstone Professor of Psychology, Harvard University, author of How the Mind Works and The Stuff of Thought
“‘Know thyself,’ commanded the Oracle at Delphi. Mindwise shows us why that’s so hard to do, yet so vital as the starting point for understanding others. Epley writes with scientific authority, grace, and deep humanity. You’ll come away from this book understanding the African concept of Ubuntu: A person is a person through other people.” —Jonathan Haidt, Thomas Cooley Professor of Ethical Leadership, NYU Stern School of Business, author of The Righteous Mind
“Why are we often so terribly bad at figuring out what other people are thinking? Nicholas Epley is one of the smartest and most creative social psychologists alive, and in his extraordinary new book, he explores the powers and the limits of our capacity for ‘mindreading.’ Epley is a clear and engaging writer, and Mindwise is replete with fascinating insights into human nature.” —Paul Bloom, Brooks and Suzanne Ragen Professor of Psychology, Yale University, author of Just Babies
One of the smartest and most entertaining books I have read in years. At a time when there are dozens of popular social science books to choose from -- Epley's masterpiece stands out as the cream of the crop. —Steven Levitt, William B. Ogden Distinguished Service Professor of Economics, University of Chicago, New York Times bestselling author of Freakonomics
“Too much of life's misery comes from misunderstanding what others are thinking, and from assuming that those we love must know what is (obviously!) on our mind. Mindwise is a highly enjoyable and informative book by one of psychology's rising stars that will make you spend less time in pointless arguments and more time in rewarding relationships. Gaining some wisdom about the minds of others will be painless and priceless.” —Richard H. Thaler, Ralph and Dorothy Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Economics and Behavioral Science, University of Chicago Booth School of Business, author of Nudge
“Since Malcolm Gladwell’s Tipping Point and Freakonomics there has been a vast output of books on behavioural science. Many have been quite poor — formulaic books supporting obvious conclusions at unnecessary length. Mindwise stands out from the crowd. It is surprising, intelligent and convincing. It continues to make worthwhile points in every chapter (after about chapter two most books of this kind are repeating themselves) and the author tells you things you don’t know without straining for effect. You emerge from reading it understanding both yourself and others better, which is not a bad dividend from reading fewer than 200 pages.” —Daniel Finkelstein, The Times
““Mindwise” is good reading for negotiators, the makers of public policy, heck, for anyone who interacts with other people, and that should be all of us. Mr. Epley is a genial, informative host in this tour of some of the most interesting findings in the social psychology of understanding one another, which he calls "mind-reading." His examples are drawn from the headlines as well as the peer-reviewed literature, and he keeps things going at a quick pace without dumbing-down the science.” —Daniel J. Levitin, The Wall Street Journal
“Epley lays out his argument alternately as thesis and antithesis in clear, engaging prose. He cites plenty of research, but illustrates his examples from everyday life and popular culture. This makes for enjoyable reading.” —Richard Cytowic, New York Journal of Books
"Psychologist Nicholas Epley’s Mind-wise provides a guide to understanding the minds of others. His engrossing book outlines the strategies that we use: projecting from our own minds, using stereotypes, and inferring from others’ actions… Epley is a lucid and magnetic host, and his book ... is crammed with evidence-based research." —Leyla Sanai, The Independent